S1, E6: Making A Case For MORE Conversational Leaders
The Six Frames of A Proactive MettlEdge Mind, Part 6 of 7
Happy New Year and welcome to the second to last episode on the Six Frames of the MettlEdge Mind, a proactive mindset to help you harness your high-octane brain and shape your strong sense of self, purpose, and belonging.
My name is Jill Williams and over the past five weeks, I’ve covered the first four frames along with an introduction to my proactive mindset model, The MettlEdge Mind. Those frames are
Let there be tension
Let there be compassion
Let there be strength
Let there be limits.
Today we’re diving into the fifth frame of the MettlEdge Mind, let there be conversation.
Wendell Berry captured the challenge of conversation well when he said, “If you start a conversation with the assumption that you are right or that you must win, obviously it is difficult to talk.”
If we are not willing to let there be nuance and we do not want to collaborate to discover alternative ways of doing things, alternative ways of thinking about things, alternative ways of seeing things, if we have to be right, it will not only be difficult to talk, it will be difficult to grow.
You’ve likely noticed the repetition of the words “let there be” at the beginning of each frame of mind.
Having a proactive mind, harnessing your high-octane brain and shaping your strong sense of self, purpose, and belonging what we call your MettlEdge relies on your willingness to yield.
I love this word. It is the key to freedom. And also to fruitful outcomes.
By definition, to yield means to produce something positive. It also means to give up the control or responsibility for something. (Cambridge Dictionary) The word yield is the key to freedom because when it is applied to ego, it empowers you to give up self-protection and control as your primary objective and pick up the power of collaboration with others who add value in ways you cannot even imagine—that you otherwise would overlook.
When you yield your ego, you yield your need for people to understand, think, or see things in the same way as you do. You yield your demand to be respected as the acclaimed expert.
You also yield better results than you are able to imagine.
You flex, you bend, you set aside the want for things to be just as you desire. And you run away from your tendency to allow the way things are to define how and who you are. It’s the key to freedom.
A proactive mind is full of an abundance of requisite variety, committed to not being easily stopped by blockages, committed to being open to creativity, willing to let there be great expectancy—belief in the possibility of getting a positive outcome—when handling things like tension. Or compassion. Or strength. Or limits. Or conversation.
Conversation is often unwanted, unfocused, and unproductive. Easily Dodged. Seen as an interruption to well laid plans. Productivity-minded people tend to avoid it. When it’s impossible to dodge, the ensuing discussion might feel more like a directive.
Many leaders believe deep down that taking the time to talk will waste time, create conflict, or in some other way will not end well. Many of these leaders are effective strategists with ineffective relational skills driven by efficiency and ego.
When they do take the time to talk, they might use words to compete with others, get what they want, and defend their position rather using words to uncover their ideas, share their own, and produce more than they can imagine by collaborating with others.
Focus: What’s going on in your brain? Are you a discussion dodger? What’s the big deal about conversation?
The Truth About Conversation
In 1994, maybe ‘95, I was sitting in a small-ish lecture hall in the business school at Southern Methodist University. In an information technology class we were talking about streaming television shows and news and movies directly to our living rooms, even directly to a device in the palm of our hands. Something startled within me.
As the room filled with exciting chatter about all the possibilities such technology would bring, I filled with concern. I thought, “What’s all this going to do to us?”
Today we live in that era of technology, and among all the good it does deliver to us, it disrupts us. It can drive us to disconnection and distraction, to insecurity and uncertainty. It can drive us to relate with heightened comparison and punishing performance.
This disconnected, distracted, comparison-heavy, and performance-driven ecosystem is wreaking havoc on our confidence, our sense of purpose, and on the quality of our relationships. Humans are hurting. Helping professions have waiting lists.
We are in severe drought conditions desperate for relief because technology has exposed our humanity.
It not only disrupts, disconnects, and distracts us, it challenges us to acknowledge what is true, that we cannot ignore tension and thrive, but we must step into it to serve one another with compassion, in strength, not ashamed of, but recognizing our limits so we continue to thrive.
We are not machines. Truth is, the pace of progress has not exposed our humanity, it has exposed our efforts to deny it. This new era of technology does not usher in a new era of humanity; it ushers in a correction to our view of ourselves.
It exposes the error of our willingness to identify ourselves by our performance, our image, and our achievement. It makes us more willing to invest in fostering trust, eliminating fear, and promoting learning as a means by which we can attain successful performance outcomes.
This new technological era calls for a modern approach to leadership—one that builds cultures of trust that promote continuous learning among people secure enough to fail in front of one another.
According to Alan Webber, co-founder of Fast Company and one of the most important thought leaders of the last two decades, “The chief management tool that makes that learning happen is conversation. But the work of conversation introduces its own twist: it brings the character of the individual to the foreground of the work-place. If the job of the manager in the new economy is to eliminate fear, foster trust, and facilitate the working conversations that create new knowledge, then the authenticity, integrity, and identity of the individual turn out to be the most critical managerial assets.” (Webber, 1993)
In other words, the willingness of the leader to let there be tension, compassion, strength, and limits turns out to be the most critical leadership asset.
· Leaders who are willing to reflect on and refine their own character to respond with integrity and authenticity feed the soul of those they lead.
· People whose souls are full do not need a performance to fill them, so they are free to attain heights of greatness without fear.
· We need more conversational leaders.
Conversational leaders bring the rain. They are refreshing, drought-busting, performance enhancing leaders.
Fuel: In what ways do you bring the rain? In what ways to do you want to do it more? Think about this again: what makes having productive, positive conversations with people a big deal?
While showing up with authenticity and integrity are crucial ingredients of productive conversations, another truth about conversation is that it is a learned skill that in many ways is not being cultivated today as it may have been in years past.
Talking about it doesn’t give practice with it. But face-to-face conversation has taken a backseat in our communications network. And why not when we have so many options for handling tasks without having to handle people.
This may be the greatest paradox of our technological age: despite having more communication tools than ever, the cornerstone of effective leadership remains the ability to engage in meaningful, trust-based conversations—yet we may be having fewer of them than ever before.
Let there be conversation.
Fight: How will you fight to reverse the trend? How will you engage in more meaningful, trust-based conversations?
What do you want to do? What’s the first step you can take?
When will you do it?
What do you need to do for yourself to remember to do it?
What difference will it make?
This has been episode six of our podcast series on proactive mindset formation walking through our model The MettlEdge Mind. Up next in our “The Six Frames of a Proactive Mind” Series, Let There Be Joy. Yes. Joy.
Can’t wait to share next week’s content.
In the meantime, please download our podcast on Apple Podcasts and comment on our episodes.
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I’ll say this again to close our this episode.
I’m interested in the theory behind proactive mindset formation, but I’m way more interested in making the complex process of forming a proactive mindset accessible, doable, attainable—simple and approachable—even though it will always involve more nuance and incomprehensibility than we may be able to imagine or than we may prefer.
It’s why we all need to do more than talk about having a healthy, proactive mindset. To form our mind we have to think, feel, and take action to build the muscle memory we want to have and break the habits of thinking we no longer find useful in our lives.
MettlEdge gives you a way to do this for yourself in a powerful way. Schedule a call at mettledge.com or message us on Instagram, Mettledge.coaching
I pray this podcast has been a blessing to you! Let’s go!
References: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/yield